Alma Mater

I attended my (gulp) 20th high school reunion last weekend. A reunion is a quagmire of unresolved feelings. I'd venture to guess that most folks attend reunions in the spirit of seeing old friends and recalling more carefree days: before jobs, kids, marriage, divorce, ill parents, and just plain old life started nipping at our heels.

Some people go to show off. Like my friend Ashley. He's a professional actor and has transformed himself from a chubby kid to a pretty hot gay man,if I say so myself. But I've kept in touch with him for years, so I've been acquainted His Royal Gay Hotness for many years. Something I found telling, though, was as he was driving me back to my parents' house at 4am after the "main event" on Saturday night. He said, "I bet this is the highlight of most of those people's year. I have something to go home to." I confess, I found that to be extremely arrogant. Which leads me to think that inside His Royal Gay Hotness lies a sexually confused chubby kid who just wants to be liked by the popular kids. Goodness knows he got his wish. He flitted around the room, senior yearbook in hand, asking anyone and everyone to sign it. By night's end, there was hardly a spot to write.

So, someone voted me least changed since high school. And someone else wrote in my yearbook that I'm the same crazy girl I was when I was a teenager. Very cool.

I voted myself most eligible bachelorette. Goodness knows no one else did.

While everyone (but me) is married, has kids, and is making a ton of money in fantastic careers, some things never change. Despite the most popular girls being married and moms, all the guys still follow them with hopeful attention. Not a one stopped to chat me up. Hmph...

Anyway, on to the dirt. Here are my awards:

Looks Most Like She's Been Ridden Hard Over The Years


Most Interesting Career
Strip club owner (met his wife when she gave him a lap dance. I think she's 12 years old.)

And...(drum roll please)

Most Changed Since High School
Ladies and gentleman, meet the former Mr. Jody, now Ms. Natalie.

A trannie at the 20th. It can't get any better.