Greetings from Charlotte!
Today's been an exceptionally good day. Nothing extraordinary happened, really. It was rather normal: I got up, made some coffee, drove to work and was slammed all day. The usual.
But the weather was perfect. There was a nice spring chill in the air this morning, which is unusual for Charlotte this time of year. But this year is different. In the eight years I've lived here, I honestly think this is the first true spring I have ever experienced, and believe me....I miss spring terribly. It warmed up to only about 72 degrees with no humidity.
In the movie "Defending Your Life," Albert Brooks gets hit by a bus, but rather than going to heaven or hell, he's sent to "Judgment City," a simulation of Earth for humans who have just died and are awaiting their "trial," where a judge decides whether they "go forward" or "go back" to Earth to try again.
In Judgment City, you can eat as much as you want and never get fat. And the food is the best food you'll ever have. You can look at all your past lives at the "Past Lives Pavillion." And in your hotel room, when you turn on the Weather Channel, it is always 72 degrees, no humidity, and clear, blue, sunlit skies.
Today was like being in Judgment City, I suppose.
I brought my workout clothes with me, with the intention of going to the gym and doing some strength training. But I wanted to be outside. The days here, other than those with April showers, have been mercifully mild and I know those won't last long.
I wound up walking for about 2 1/2 hours today. I didn't walk that fast. I didn't walk my regular routes. I just meandered....followed my nose. I wound up at Freedom Park, a pretty urban park (several scenes from "Shallow Hal" were shot there) with a big fountain in the middle and nature trails along its perimeter next to a creek. I found the perfect park bench and just sat there. And thought. A lot. I was there for probably 30 minutes. Lying on the bench staring at the treetops and the blue sky. Feeling the cool breeze in my face.
It was the most peaceful moment I've experienced for years.
I was in the moment. I wasn't mourning the past, really. Thinking about it, but not mourning it. I wasn't anxious about the future. I wasn't wishing someone was with me, although I was thinking about someone.
It was all good. I took my time. I wasn't in a race to get home. I wasn't in a mad hurry to cover X number of miles in X amount of time.
It is 9:00 p.m. here and I was able to grab some groceries, swing by the bank, and manage to make dinner. Now I'm sitting on my patio with a Sierra Nevada in my hand. Life could be worse.
As I sat there, I came to a few realizations. How unfair I can be at times. How the saying, "When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out" so very true, and how I have expected so much out of people..far too much. So much I got lazy and stopped taking of them or myself.
And I thought about how I expect next to nothing from others, like my family, for instance.
I thought about how I have been loved in the best, most sincere way, in an "I can say whatever's on my mind and be who I am" kind of way, how, thankfully, I still can be that way and continue to be loved, even if it isn't in the way I had hoped for myself. I've got some work to do. And I do have regrets. Real regrets.
But if I have more days like today, I'll be fine.
Thanks for writing. It is really good to hear from you from so far away. I hope you are doing well, and I hope to hear from you soon.
OB
